We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
