Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
