non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
