Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
