If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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