It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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