Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So here I am, sexting at work.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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