I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
