Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
