My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
