The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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