at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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