Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
