Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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