I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
