Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
