i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
