just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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