Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
