Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
