i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
