Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
