The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What drink are we having for lunch?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
