holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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