piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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