Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
