I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
