So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
