I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
