You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
