Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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