called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
