She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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