just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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