just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
