moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
