Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
