His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
