Only a mothe r could love this liver
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
