Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
There's even glitter on my cock...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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