It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
