whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
