Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
