I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I still have a little drunk in my system
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
