if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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