First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
