Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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