whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
