if you like me you must not know who I am
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I believe in your delicious
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
