Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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